Tuesday, September 18, 2007

My Admittedly Un-Christian, Un-PC Warren Jeffs Fantasy

After following the trial of Warren Jeffs, self-appointed "prophet" of the polygamist FLDS cult which engages in forced marriages of underage girls and various other bizarre shenanigans, this is my admittedly uncharitable, if karmically appropriate, wish for Mr. Jeffs: I can't help hoping that he winds up sharing a prison cell with a very large, very lonely convict named Moose. Perhaps that would give him a taste of what it's like to be a female in his community.

I know that both my sexual orientation and non-fertility put me at the very bottom of the pecking order in Jeff's cosmology. But I'd rather spend an eternity in his hell than a nanosecond in his present or in his "exalted" afterlife.


Jules said...

He is such a tool. I'm with you.

LutheranChik said...

Jeffs reminds me of that old joke about Osama bin Laden:

One day Osama's lair is finally found and blown up, and Osama finds himself in the afterlife. A disembodied voice tells him, "Well, Osama, you've died the martyr's death you've always wanted...so now you will receive your reward of 70 perpetual virgins with which to spend all eternity." Osama rubs his hands with glee at the thought of having his way with a gaggle of nubile girls. Suddenly a large group of elderly nuns, rulers in hand, appear out of nowhere and start whacking him as hard as they can.

"Hey!" bin Laden cries out as the nuns bring him to his knees with their ruler thwacking. "Who are these old women? What happened to my 70 perpetual virgins?"

To which the disembodied voice responds, "But Osama -- we didn't tell you what kind of perpetual virgins."

Reverend Dona Quixote said...

What a great joke ...

Reverend Dona Quixote said...

what a great joke ... with you on Mr. Jeffs

Karen Sapio said...

I like the one that starts the same way, but when he gets to heaven Thomas Jefferson steps up and whacks him upside the head. Then George Washington. Then Robert E. Lee.

Wait! says Osama! What about my 70 Virgins?

No, no! Says St. Peter. It's 70 Virginians!