Thursday, July 10, 2008

Existential Crisis Redux

I'm driving home from my Professional Obligation Speech last night, at the opposite corner of my county, headed fast down a long, straight stretch of state highway, with ribbons of midsummer forest and farmland alternating on either side of me. As I usually do after I do anything, I'm mentally critiquing my presentation, thinking of all the stuff I should have said and the way I should have said it. I'm thinking about the desolation, to use the Ignatian term, I feel about my work in general, hanging over it like a dark, heavy cloud. Meanwhile, the other dramas of the day, in the lives of people I care about, are also tumbling around, colliding with one another in my head. Suddenly, out of nowhere, came the lyrics of a song I love, that I haven't thought about in ages:

I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
I want to reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name

I want to feel, sunlight on my face
See that dust cloud disappear without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name

1 comment:

ProclaimingSoftly (PSanafter-thought) said...

I wonder if a song popping into one's head is in the same league with dreams that possibly have important meaning.

When I was on my trip last Nov. we were on a road that was NUTS, as they tend to be in third world countries. I had the song, Soon and Very Soon I'm going to Meet my Lord, in my head the whole time. I was actually singing it out loud. Later, I couldn't even recall the words. But it helped center me at the time.