I'm a chronic procrastinator, and tonight I'm procrastinating the annual reports I have to submit to the local probate court on behalf of an elderly relative of mine, who lives in a nursing home.
This is about my seventh round of reports. The initial ones, the ones I had to submit with my petitions to become her guardian and conservator, were sheer hell. My relative's personal records were in complete disarray -- literally blowing in the wind in her back yard -- so trying to identify and report her assets was a nail-biting affair. And every cent of every transaction on her behalf had to be reported. Our family attorney, trying to be helpful, noted dryly, "Look at it this way -- the poorer she gets, the easier this is going to be for you. And now that she's in a nursing home, she's going to be poor really soon."
That's true. She now has no assets to speak of, so her bookkeeping has become pretty simple. Her condition remains the same from year to year too, so one year's guardian report looks a lot like the others.
I do this every February. Every November I have to complete a similar exercise for our local Department of Human Services to make sure that she qualifies for Medicaid.
When I think of the gut-wrenching hands-on caregiving struggles other families endure with their elder loved ones, I know I'm pretty fortunate that these are the most onerous tasks I face in helping my relative; the hardest part really was at the beginning. But it's still sobering to know that I'm the "responsible party" for my relative; that I am where the buck is going to stop from now on. It's sobering to wonder what would happen in a society that had no social safety net to help a physically and otherwise incapacitated elderly woman with no resources, no life partner, no kids and no siblings left who are up to the task of caring for her. What would I do? How could I take care of this person? What would happen if this were me? Do the people who make policy in the corridors of power have people like my relative in mind when they make budgets or vote on public spending?
Just two pieces of paper -- strange that they weigh so much in my hand.
4 comments:
I can believe these are overwhelming. I've helped elderly people with their medicare and Medicare Supplement insurance and that was bad enough.
Unfortunately, the documentation required to be done by the caregivers, even in home health care visits, is even worse. A friend who was a nurse manager in a home health care agency said she thought that the government agencies were trying to make the system implode.
I suppose that preventing fraud is what drives this.
Maybe this is a stretch, but there is a spiritual issue here for me. If we were all working at the best of our ability to help people, no body would have time to perpetrate a fraudulent claim for health care payments.
I believe that some of the people making the rules do care. But I also know that some of them don't care enough.
If it takes a village to raise a child, then it also takes a village to care for the elderly and the sick. It can't just be about family. Sometimes family can't or won't provide the care needed. And so if we really believe that all God's children are our neighbors, we need to do what we can.
Thank you for caring for your relative. You are blessing her life as you struggle with the paperwork. What you are doing is making a difference.
And, Chica, I am certain that if and when the time comes, there will be some lovely person to dot the i's and cross the t's for you as well.
PSoftly: I know that the authorities almost have to work under the assumption that guardians/conservators are exploiting their charges...but it still grates.
RevH: Oh, I plan on spending my dotage living with the cats and my shopping cart of talismanic trash behind the supermarket. One day I'll just keel over, and they can load me right into the Dumpster.;-)
We are currently trying to figure out the best situation for an elderly relative who is mentally sharp but physically has a problem that is making living alone not possible at this time. Maybe never again, which is hard for her to contemplate.
She has to pay for everything she gets help for. She doesn't want strangers coming into her home. And it IS irritating to think that the care agencies collect about 3X as much as the care giver will get in wages.
Living with relatives is an option, but then she is away from friends and familiar places and her church. And her doctors. And the relatives' homes, including ours, are not ideal for this set up. There is little privacy for a "guest" in our homes. I think that privacy is something a person needs for dignity. Yet, we know our homes are better than those of most people in the world, so I sometimes feel guilty about that issue too.
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