Okay...I'll admit it...in the midst of my angst last night I found myself nibbling on a nubbin of anonymous, leftover cheese from the gourmet store.
After which I fell asleep. And I dreamed...
First I dreamed I lived in some earlier time -- people seemed to be walking around in colonial dress -- under the rule of some Taliban-ish, misogynistic Vice and Virtue Ministry. And I was constantly subverting them, and encouraging others to do the same; doing things like wearing trousers under my skirt, and then taking off my skirt and walking around in pants when the morality police weren't around. I was something of a female Robin Hood in the community, and took real joy in messing with the Authority Figures without their knowledge.
Then I found myself in some contemporary totalitarian regime where inconvenient people of various kinds were euthanized. I was working in a care facility where, if one of the residents became too sick, personnel would appear to "wheel them outside for some fresh air" or other euphemism for killing them. In my dream one partner in a married couple realized that, his failing spouse was headed for this fate, and was tenderly saying goodbye to her, and telling her that everything was going to be all right, even as the institutional goons waited to disappear her into the "fresh air." I was filled with outrage, but didn't know what to do.
Then I found myself at some sort of work-related training, amid people I recognized from my current and past employers. There were also political bigshots at this convention, for some reason, including Robert Kennedy; no, not Ted or one of the second-generation Kennedys; Bobby. We were all watching a film on the importance of diversity and tolerance, and at the end a series of couples of different ethnicities literally walked off into the sunset arm in arm. Two women, also arm in arm, were included in this finale, and at the end of the film they kissed one another on screen. I burst out applauding: "Yaaaay!" -- and found everyone else in the room, my past and present coworkers, silently staring at me. I looked around, re-composed myself and repeated, rather resolutely, "Well -- Yaaaay!" Afterward I was wandering around in the hallway when a young man in a suit jacket came up to me. "I'm an intern for Senator Kennedy," he announced, "and I'm here on behalf of the Senator, who wishes to commend you for having the courage to out yourself in public, among your coworkers." The intern extended his hand.
I'm trying to decide if this dream was a profound message from my subconscious or just the aftereffect of eating moldy cheese before going to bed. It was interesting, anyhow. And Robert Kennedy's looking pretty good for a dead guy.