Monday, October 16, 2006

"That Special Time"

One of my fellow middle-aged coworkers has a great idea about uteri: Since women only use them on an occasional basis, if at all...shouldn't they be removeable? Shouldn't natural selection have worked out something like a ziplock mechanism, with maybe a handy little storage pouch somewhere in there, like those little glove pockets inside parkas?

I am moving into that stage of life my doctor calls "that special time"; between that and the sorts of disruptions that life upheavals can wreak upon one's natural rhythms, I am about ready to manually unzip my uterus and drop-kick it into my garbage can next to the chicken-wing bones and mutating past-date mayonnaise. A more useless, messy and annoying organ I cannot imagine at this moment.

5 comments:

Mata H said...

Please delicately inform your putz or putzette of a doctor that "that special time" carries the great Hair Migration Curse with it -- not only is your uterus going to give you fits, wait until the body hair starts leaving the lower half of your body and appearing on your chin, neck and upper lip. If there is going to be a ziplock baggie for the uterus, then the hairs go with it.

Kathryn said...

Aaarghhh
Thou and I both...and what's more, I'm having to take mine with me to India.
Where sanitary arrangements are likely to be challenging at best.
Could we develop the ziplock arrangement in the next 10 days, do you think?

LutheranChik said...

How exciting! But I'll pass along the advice given to me by someone in something of the same predicament, also traveling overseas in an, um, hygienically underserved location: Bring lots of "equipment." Lots. Even if you get funny looks from the security people when they check your baggage.

ladybug6472 said...

This is definitely NOT funny - having been there and done that. But please indulge me for just one short minute!! HAHAHAHAHAHA - snerk,snerk,snork - LOLOLOL.
Thank you - I feel much better now!

Beth said...

Cousin Lacy the Lactation Milkmaid (Aunt Flo's estranged daughter) also finds that hair trick a blast.. Messed up body hair, ugly-droopy boobs in even uglier nursing bras, calorie-hogging to the point where my husband (an @$$-appreciating guy) says I have no @$$. If she weren't such a good baby sitter, I'd have evicted her long ago. So yes, LC, there is an equally messy and annoying organ, if not an equally useless one.