I got an invitation to attend a three-day retreat for women based on the Liturgy of the Hours.
Something right up my alley. Something I'd love to attend.
Trouble is -- two of the days are work days. On top of the work days I need to take off for my regular retreats, plus some personal days I need for my life maintenance activities, plus a number of Saturday classes that I'm supposed to attend. Had I had more advance notice I could possibly have juggled my schedule to accomodate a two-day absence, but this came up too fast for me to deal with.
So I've had to take a pass on this opportunity.
This makes me sad, and frustrated. But I'm thinking that if I somehow finagled the two days off, I'd wind up needing an extra two days off just for a post-retreat wind-down. I have so much to do just in terms of maintaining my house and my life, and so much I want to do, for myself and with Fellow Traveler. But I'm just tired...so tired...bone tired. There just isn't enough time. I'm physically run down and cranky and anxious.
As you may be picking up, I'm feeling some major church burnout. What's my motivation here? Especially after my last training retreat experience, I'm finding myself questioning why I'm making such an investment of time and money in service to an organization that would appear not to want me in the end. Actually, I feel like I've had my motivation stolen from me.
I wish I had it back.