Last week at this time, my list of anxieties -- such as they were, in my new pharmaceutically mellowed frame of mind -- were pretty banal: a tussle with my phone company over a bill; morning fuzzy-headedness; everyday workplace irritations.
Today that all changed. Actually, it began to change this past weekend, when Fellow Traveler started exhibiting some unexplainable and frankly worrisome bleeding. She was able to see her primary care provider today...who examined her and found a bleeding tumor in a place it hadn't been even a couple of months ago, when she had her last surgery. This is serious stuff. On Friday she has to go to Ann Arbor to see a specialist, someone who assisted with her last surgery.
Needless to say, life has taken a dramatic turn here. Lots of why: Why is this happening? Why is it happening to someone who has had to struggle with so many medical problems and so much pain for so long? Why is it happening to someone who tries so hard to take care of her health? Why is it that, whenever we pass through one life crisis, another lies right around the corner? Lots of how, as in How are we going to navigate through this together? Our normally light-hearted evening chats the past couple of evenings have ventured into the scary territory of what if.
If partners are priests to one another, I have to say that my chaplaincy skills leave a lot to be desired. How do you pray with someone when your own head is exploding in fear and anger and sadness? "HELP!" is the best I can manage.
We are trying to remain as calm as possible until Friday, when we have a better idea of what's happening. Right now we're sitting watching mindless TV (Dog the Bounty Hunter, to be exact) and tip-tapping on our respective laptops. We're also distracted tonight by Katie the golden retriever, who has been very ill for the last day -- drooling and incontinent and unsteady, as if she's eaten something toxic.(Our local traveling vet is stopping by tomorrow.)
Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated in the days to come as we face this challenge.
11 comments:
Heavenly Father, giver of life and health: Comfort and relieve yor sick servant "FT". and give your power of healing to those who minister to her needs, that she may be strengthened in her weakness and have confidence in your loving care; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen (BCP 459)
Prayers and love for you and FT. Naomi
As one who is currently wondering some of the same questions, and dealing with scary health issues of someone I love, know that my prayers are with you and FT.
HELP sounds like a reasonable prayer to me. So I'll add mine to it: help to remain calm, for strength to offer one another.
At the moment I am allowed the luxury of thinking that I and my remaining loved ones will go on living in this universe for a while. But ever since my father died, and I was nearly killed in an auto accident some months later, I have known that we are only a heartbeat away from death, and a thought away from despair. I have tried to keep my affairs in order, hoping that I might therefore be less upset should my time come sooner than I wish. But it seems impossible to be truly ready.
We can take comfort from the Good News: Ready or not, it will turn out fine. Either we will be physically healed, our lease on our selves in this world extended. Or we will be accompanied on our journey by the Comfortor, who heals what is necessary, ultimately even our desire to be in our Universe instead of God's. Risk is an illusion, anxiety is unnecessary.
And still we worry. Still the waiting and the bearing with is so hard. May God release you and Fellow Travel from care, and may God bring a return of good health to you both. Of course, that would mean that God has more work for you to do....
Prayers winging out on your behalf!
Praying for you & FT - and for Katie. It's a horrible worrying time. My own Jan has had enough of that kind of thing for me to be able to feel for you all too keenly... Lots of love all the way from the UK - keep us up to date, won't you?
Often "Help" is the only thing worth saying...I'm sorry things are so scary right now.Sending lots of prayers up for both of you - and Katie too.
Love and blessings x
Joining in prayers for FT and for you.
My prayers too.
I too join you in prayer. God grant you peace during uncertainty.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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