Last week at this time, my list of anxieties -- such as they were, in my new pharmaceutically mellowed frame of mind -- were pretty banal: a tussle with my phone company over a bill; morning fuzzy-headedness; everyday workplace irritations.
Today that all changed. Actually, it began to change this past weekend, when Fellow Traveler started exhibiting some unexplainable and frankly worrisome bleeding. She was able to see her primary care provider today...who examined her and found a bleeding tumor in a place it hadn't been even a couple of months ago, when she had her last surgery. This is serious stuff. On Friday she has to go to Ann Arbor to see a specialist, someone who assisted with her last surgery.
Needless to say, life has taken a dramatic turn here. Lots of why: Why is this happening? Why is it happening to someone who has had to struggle with so many medical problems and so much pain for so long? Why is it happening to someone who tries so hard to take care of her health? Why is it that, whenever we pass through one life crisis, another lies right around the corner? Lots of how, as in How are we going to navigate through this together? Our normally light-hearted evening chats the past couple of evenings have ventured into the scary territory of what if.
If partners are priests to one another, I have to say that my chaplaincy skills leave a lot to be desired. How do you pray with someone when your own head is exploding in fear and anger and sadness? "HELP!" is the best I can manage.
We are trying to remain as calm as possible until Friday, when we have a better idea of what's happening. Right now we're sitting watching mindless TV (Dog the Bounty Hunter, to be exact) and tip-tapping on our respective laptops. We're also distracted tonight by Katie the golden retriever, who has been very ill for the last day -- drooling and incontinent and unsteady, as if she's eaten something toxic.(Our local traveling vet is stopping by tomorrow.)
Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated in the days to come as we face this challenge.