Wednesday, November 08, 2006

How Not to Have Fun on an Afternoon Off

Have a uterine biopsy. One you weren't expecting, because the last time you had one, it was about three doctors' visits into the process, not your first trip to the gyno.

So what does a uterine biopsy feel like? Sort of like being stabbed, slowly, by a screwdriver Up There. Without anesthesia. You cramp; you see stars. My doctor said she once had a patient faint during the procedure; I didn't, but wanted to.

As the doc said while putting on her gloves: "If you hated me for being late today, you are really gonna hate me after this." (Actually, she was very nice about the whole thing.)

So ended part one of my medical thrill ride. Part two comes when I go in for an ultrasound, which is like being turned into a giant water balloon, then being poked in the abdomen and parts south until the balloon is ready to burst. Which it does, sometimes, although when I went through this drama before I was proud to have gotten through my ultrasound without flooding the exam table...just barely.

The doctor suspects that I may simply have the misfiring ovaries of a middle-aged broad, which are causing all my other problems. But it's not for sure. We'll know in about a week.

In the meantime...chocolate, administered orally, helps.

5 comments:

Songbird said...

Just administer the chocolate gently, and take good care of yourself.

P.S. (an after-thought) said...

BT - DT

I can't understand why some proceedures are done with anesthesia and some not.

zorra said...

I've been there. If you need another one, ask for a large Valium to take before the procedure. In the meantime, more chocolate, stat!

Reverend Dona Quixote said...

Ouch, LC ...

You are in my thoughts and prayers for healing of your insides.

I can remember when I had a uterine ultrasound. I drank about a half gallon of water on the 30 minute trip to the doc, which meant by the time I arrived I was more desperate to pee than any other time I can ever remember in my life.

Well except maybe that time around 2 am in rural Colorado when what few gas stations existed were closed. I peed on the back of a Texaco building for revenge ... as well as out of necessity.

God bless!

toujoursdan said...

You are in my prayers as well. What a horrible experience.