I love my job. I love the fact that I work for an agency that can make a real difference in individuals' quality of life. I love being able to write, to create, to educate. I love the feeling that what I do matters in my community.
I hate my job. I hate the fact that it is a public-sector job, and subject to the sort of niggling, soul-killing, bean-counting federal and state regulations that squelch improvement and innovation, and that really have nothing to do with the quality of the front-line services our agency provides. I hate the fact that I have multiple bosses -- depending on what day it is, it ranges from one to four. I hate the feeling of being trapped because I'm too timid to explore other options. I hate the economic malaise of my state; the lack of vision.
This is where I am right now. I feel like that Flannery O'Connor character who had LOVE and HATE tattooed on his knuckles. I don't know what to do; I don't know where to go. But I know, now, that here is not the place I need to be. This week we're working through the themes of "lost" and "found" in Dancing Down the Hallway; and right now, vocationally, I am feeling very lost.
4 comments:
I can soooo relate to pretty much everything you wrote, minus the creating/writing portion of "love my job." My love part would be "working with kids who need help." Everything else, including multiple supervisors, resonates deeply. No answers, just comraderie and empathy for the journey through the lost feelings...
Also, I didn't post yesterday, but the Mediterranean pizza you created sounds wonderlicious! We're striving for improved diets too in effort to reduce weight, blood pressure, and "borderline diabetes."
(((((LC)))))
Corporate America (or Canada for that matter) can be just as niggling, soul-killing, bean-counting which squelches improvement and innovation and any kind of expression. I am struggling with all that in my career now.
I hear this! I adore and believe in what I do down to my very core. But the administrative ineptness and unfairness is really getting me DOWN. I find myself paralyzed to do the work I need to do, because I feel unvalued here.
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