I love my job. I love the fact that I work for an agency that can make a real difference in individuals' quality of life. I love being able to write, to create, to educate. I love the feeling that what I do matters in my community.
I hate my job. I hate the fact that it is a public-sector job, and subject to the sort of niggling, soul-killing, bean-counting federal and state regulations that squelch improvement and innovation, and that really have nothing to do with the quality of the front-line services our agency provides. I hate the fact that I have multiple bosses -- depending on what day it is, it ranges from one to four. I hate the feeling of being trapped because I'm too timid to explore other options. I hate the economic malaise of my state; the lack of vision.
This is where I am right now. I feel like that Flannery O'Connor character who had LOVE and HATE tattooed on his knuckles. I don't know what to do; I don't know where to go. But I know, now, that here is not the place I need to be. This week we're working through the themes of "lost" and "found" in Dancing Down the Hallway; and right now, vocationally, I am feeling very lost.