Friday Five: Interview Edition

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Around here we likes us our lowbrow television, so this week after watching Modern Family (in these days of Balkanized TV viewing it's the one program that everyone in our own extended fam seems to watch, so that we can actually talk about it with one another) we stayed our remote-clicking hands and watched another ABC family comedy, The Middle. Not as funny or as well done; but there was a hilarious scene where the dad, an out-of-work construction guy having to look for another job for the first time in many years, found himself subjected to interviewer after interviewer earnestly quizzing him with Baba Wawa, pseudo-psychological questions. He had a good work record; always got to the job on time; never took a sick day. What more did these people want from him? Well...stuff like this:

1. If you were a color, what would you be?
This is interesting...I picked burnt sienna, that quirky Crayola color that I'm not even sure they make anymore, because I always seem to be the odd crayon in the box. When I asked FT what color I was she said maroon, because (in her words) at first glance I'm a little dark and inscrutable, but if one looks a little harder they'll appreciate my deepness and richness. That was very nice of her. I think this means I'm buying lunch today.


2. If you were a flower (or plant), what would you be?
I think one could do worse than to be culinary sage: seasoned; adaptible; occasionally colorful; not the star of the herb garden, but the dependable botanical workhorse.

3. If you were an animal, what kind would you be?
I think I have some catlike qualities -- not anatomical, mind you, just dispositional. I can see myself as a bookstore cat, watching the action from some safe, warm corner; blinking benignly at customers; perhaps occasionally offering myself up for a scritch from some obviously cat-oriented passer-by but not going out of my way to ingratiate myself with the public.

4. If you were a shoe, what type would you be?
This is easy, and o so cliche' -- a Merrell-y/Keene-y shoe; something that's practical and absolutely un-foofy but nonetheless possessing a certain sense of style.

5. If you were a typeface, which font would you be?
A far more difficult question. I think maybe Freestyle Script -- flowing and mildly quirky, but with aspirations to become something edgier, like Rage Italic or Viner Hand. Although considering my love of things rural and agricultural and anachronistic, maybe at heart I'm an old-school typeface like something in the Goudy family -- something you'd find in an almanac.

Bonus metaphor: If I were a bar burger I'd be the locovorious special -- made with beef from the local 4-H sale, super-aged Pinconning cheese, sweet Amish onions and homemade pickles, served with a regional microbrew.  Sadly, no restauranteurs in our county would ever offer something like this, not even with Gordon Ramsay screaming and swinging a bar bat over their heads...but it sounds really good, doesn't it?