Friday, April 01, 2005

A Confession

I have a confession to make.

I am not the person you think I am.

Who I am, really: I am an ex-Lutheran, fundamentalist housewife in the Milwaukee suburbs, homeschooling my five children and submitting graciously unto my husband. I play tambourine in my church praise band. My favorite things are Christian radio, "The 700 Club," NASCAR and our godly President. I have a secret crush on Alan Jackson, although I am trying to repent of this, the way I repented after sneaking to the beauty parlor once without my hubby's permission and having my hair cut in an unwomanly way, contrary to Scripture, because I was tired of the split ends. (Now I wear a headscarf as a sign of my female subjection, which also solves that problem. And my husband locks me in the house during the day, for my own good.) No "L"-words here, nosiree; just lady.

And yet...this blog has been an unfortunate, misguided attempt on my part to add some excitement to my sheltered life by pretending to "walk on the wild side." I am a deceitful evildoer, full of unclean thoughts, and I know I should be publicly stoned, then fed in pieces, like Alpo, to roving packs of dogs. I repent, again, in sackcloth and ashes.


Anyhow, for a chuckle today read the latest issue of Ship of Fools .

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